No Air
by CateWicked
Summary: Chihiro had tried moving on with her life, but the spirit world kept calling her back. Only when she cross back over the border will she feel like she belongs.
1. Chapter 1

Chihiro opened her eyes. The morning light was weakly struggling through her curtains, and a soft breeze was attempting to disperse the humidity of the night before. It was unseasonably warm. She closed her eyes, weakly clutching at the image of his face and the way he smiled at her. The painting on her wall was her testament to his memory. She remembered her mother's uncertainty as she surveyed the white dragon that stretched across the bedroom wall, and her father's exasperation. He was tired of her. He hoped that if he just ignored it she might give it up. Her mother speculated that it was their move that had triggered their daughter's change, but years of therapy had made no difference. Chihiro had tried to tell them so many times, hoping that it might make some level of difference, but no one would believe her. She couldn't blame them; she wouldn't have believed her story either, except that it had happened to her. His face still haunted her dreams.

She rolled over. It was no use: she was going to have to get up. She would be leaving for university in only a few days and had barely packed anything. She had thought she would be thrilled to be getting away, but now the day was creeping closer she wasn't so sure. She loved her parents, despite the divide that had developed between them, but she'd wanted a fresh start. The spirit world had changed them all, and she struggled to fit in, both at school and at home. Her mind was always elsewhere. But, she felt close to him here. She felt she might lose him forever if she left.

Was he still in the spirit world, or had he found a new river? She threw herself out of bed, and tried desperately not to think of him. The white dragon looked down at her with baleful eyes. Sometimes she was sure he looked at her as if he was real. Sometimes she was sure she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. She reached out and patted the dragon fondly on his painted head. She was going to have to make a lot of goodbyes soon, but parting with a painted wall would be a particularly sad one.

She tore herself away from the dragon, and wandered over to her wardrobe. She had to pick something to wear tonight: Taro was picking her up and she needed to look presentable. She couldn't help but feel the accusatory stare of the dragon behind her as she thought about her date. She had to move on from a childhood crush, and the fantasy world that it entailed. Taro was sweet, and he'd been asking her to have dinner with him for so long – she felt she owed it to herself to try and have a normal relationship. She needed practise for university.

Examining herself in the mirror, she wondered what he looked like. Her body had changed over the years – had his? Was he still a spirit boy, or had he grown? Her shorts and tank top hung loosely on her body, and she poked at her stomach. She was on the skinny side, but had struggled to gain weight. Her parents, on the other hand, had fought to maintain their figures since the pig incident. They put it down to a new job and a change in environment.

Chihiro's scan of her wardrobe was proving to be fruitless. She plunged further into it, rifling through her over-worn clothes. Her hand touched on something soft, pushed carelessly towards the back. The silky material rippled through her hands as she gingerly pulled it out, holding her breath as she realised what it was. She'd bought this dress impulsively, and never worn it. It made her think of him. It seemed to contain all the colours of water that she knew, and tumbled about as if a flowing river. It clung to her body tightly as she wore it, and she'd imagined she was a water sprite who'd come out onto the land for a day. She admired it a moment longer before placing it back in the wardrobe. It wouldn't be right to wear it for Taro.

Her mind raced now. She was sure there was someone behind her, but if she looked she knew they'd be gone. She slowly raised her eyes to the mirror, holding her breath, as if her breathing might scare them away. Her eyes reached the glass and met the reflection of her empty room. She expected nothing less. Obviously she was still tired if she was hallucinating like this. Maybe breakfast would perk her up.

* * *

Taro walked her to the front door, hesitantly taking her hand. She looked so beautiful. Her chestnut hair hung softly around her face, and she was wearing a blue dress that fell about her as if a waterfall. He had told her how stunning she looked and had been rewarded with a gentle blush. She had always seemed so shy at school, but when she laughed it made him think of summer rain. He could barely believe he'd just had dinner with Chihiro. They'd reached the front door, and he realised he was staring.

Chihiro hesitated on the front door. Dinner had been nice. She didn't have much to say. He'd complimented her on her dress, and the purple band she wore on her wrist. She always wore it, and suspected he hadn't had much else to say. She wished he hadn't said anything about the dress. She shouldn't be wearing it, but suddenly she'd found herself walking down to his car with it on.

"Would – would you like to come in?" She paused a moment, wondering where those words had come from, her mouth dropping open a little as she'd realised it had been from her. She saw the elation on Taro's face, the eagerness behind his eyes.

She felt like a different person as she opened her front door, murmuring hello to her parents as they sat before the TV. She took him through to the kitchen, offering him a drink. All the time she was sure she was having an outer body experience. She invited him to her room, tripping over the words as she'd stumbled up the stairs. She was sure she wasn't in control.

He'd gasped when he'd entered her room, rushing over to the dragon painting.

"Did you paint this?" he asked. She nodded mutely. "It looks amazing."

She wanted to cry out as he ran his hands across it. No one touched it but her. She fought to gain control of her thoughts. She counted in her head, and focused on her breathing. There was nothing wrong with Taro being in her room. It was a perfectly normal thing. They'd been friends for a long time. It was just a friend hanging out in her room. But Taro wanted more. They had nothing to lose: she was leaving soon. Now she was calmer she didn't think it was wrong of her to have invited him in. Her parents were downstairs, and she'd known him a long time. She hadn't had much experience, but surely she wasn't rushing things?

Taro was still running his hands across the painting. She told herself it was fine. It was just a painting. But maybe she could distract him. He was just trying to be kind to her.

She sat down on the bed, and Taro slowed in his conversation.

"I, had a really great time," he murmured. He looked down into her shining eyes. "I'd like to see you when you get back. Or maybe I could come visit you."

Chihiro knew that there was nothing wrong with a friend coming to visit her. He had been practically her only friend at school, and she at least owed him that.

He reached towards her, his warm palm brushing against her flushed face, and tucked a strand of her unruly hair behind her ear. He was going to kiss her, she was sure of it. Wasn't she supposed to shut her eyes? His eyes were open as he moved closer towards her. She was aware she was blinking nervously, trying to figure out what to do with her eyes. Did she want to kiss him? His hand felt for hers across the blanket, entwining their fingers together. Slowly she felt the soft pressure of his lips against hers. His kiss was gentle and sweet, like him. She found herself naturally responding to him, their kiss deepening, his tongue sliding inside her mouth. He was hungry for her kiss, but even as she relaxed into it he could feel her tension. She didn't want this. Chihiro was hesitating. He was warm, and enticing, but this wasn't right. He could feel her begin to push away, her hand slipping from his and pressing against his chest. He began to slow his kiss, awaiting the inevitable disconnect. He wanted to prolong this moment. This was his last chance with Chihiro.

Something hit him hard in the back of his neck, as he heard a crash. He was aware of Chihiro's shriek and something warm beginning to trickle down his neck.

"Toro?" she sounded concerned. He turned to see a broken mirror, and shards of glass shattered around the room.

"What happened?" He brushed some of the shards off his jacket sleeve.

"I don't know, but you're bleeding. My mirror looks like it exploded." She'd been looking at it before it happened. Taro was still kissing her, but she'd opened her eyes and begun to push him away. Then she'd seen something move. The mirror exploded next. "Let me help."

"No, really, it's fine." It wasn't that bad. Just surface cuts. "It'll stop bleeding in a moment." He felt uncomfortable. He shouldn't be here. Chihiro had only invited him in to be kind. He should have seen that before. "I think I should go," he murmured.

The beautiful girl next to him looked up at him with concern, and he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her how lovely she was. He leant down and kissed her forehead. He probably wouldn't see her again before she left.

Taro turned and exited the room, not wanting her to show him out. Chihiro sat on her bed for a moment, surveying the damage in her room. She curled up into a ball and began to cry.

For a moment, the dragon's eyes glowed.


	2. Chapter 2

Haku choked and gasped for breath. He didn't need it, not really, but it was a habit now. It almost felt as if his lungs were burning. He couldn't keep expending this much of his energy, but he had tosee her. He felt Rinna's cool hands against his back, soothing him, and helping him up off the floor. This was becoming a regular occurrence.

"What happened? Kohaku? Talk to me. Are you okay?" He struggled through the haze, trying to remember what had happened. The more he expended his energy on the human world, the more black outs he caused himself. "Why the power surge? What were you doing?" Rinna was demanding answers angrily now. He needed her to be quiet for a moment.

"She was with someone." As he remembered he found himself wanting to forget. "Some boy. He kissed her."

He felt Rinna's hands fall from him.

"What did you do?" she asked him again, more cautiously this time. "What did you do?"

"I don't know!" He was angry now. The boy had been touching her so tenderly. "He shouldn't have been touching her like that. I didn't know what to do. It just happened. I lost control and the glass exploded."

"You lost control?" Rinna's voice notched up a few more decibles. "You were willing to risk Chihiro because she was with someone else?"

"It wasn't like that. I wasn't trying to hurt her, or him. I don't know what happened."

"You can't risk losing control, Kohaku," Rinna murmured gently. "You know that." She watched him carefully for a moment. "I think maybe you need to leave her alone. Just give this whole thing up."

"No!" He bolted upwards. "I can't do that, Rin. I need to see her again." He looked at her pleadingly. "If I can't be with her I need to at least see her. I shouldn't have reacted like that when I saw them together, but I've never seen her with anyone before. It caught me by surprise." He was panting now, desperate for her to understand. "I need this," he whispered, "Please. I don't know what I'll do otherwise."

Rinna looked at him sympathetically. She was worried about him; it wasn't like him to be vulnerable. If others knew about this there could be trouble. He was depleting his energy sources on a lost cause, but surely if he was only watching her from afar then he shouldn't need much energy anyway. She wouldn't interfere just yet. He wasn't being honest with her, but she couldn't force a powerful river god to confide in her. All she could do was help him along his way.

"I think you should rest. I'll call for Kameko." She settled him on his bed, noticing he was already asleep as she left the room.

Kameko, his tortoise spirit servant, hovered anxiously in the hallway.

"He'll recover. I think we need to keep a closer eye on him and make sure he doesn't do anything like this again. He's becoming too involved."

"Yes, mistress." Kameko nodded. She was always deferent to anyway associated with Lord Kohaku. Rinna rolled her eyes, and wondered how responsible Kameko was for his ego.

Since she'd arrived, Rinna was one of the few who dared to challenge him. She liked to think it was a way of showing gratitude for restoring her name. He hadn't had to, and had probably done so because he knew it would have pleased Chihiro. She was thankful nevertheless. She would be eternally grateful, and as a spirit she knew how long eternity meant.

She padded softly downstairs and peeked out onto the surging river. It was obviously too upset for her to go near it. Maybe when Kohaku had calmed down she might creep a little nearer.

* * *

In Haku's sleep he smiled. He was with her, next to her as she slept. She was curled on her side, and he wrapped himself around her and cradled her to his spirit body. He wished she could feel him there. When he really tried he could make his spirit almost physical in the human world, and feel the softness of her skin. It cost him a lot though, and Rinna was beginning to notice. He hadn't meant to make the mirror crack. He felt pangs of pain and anger at himself as he realised the harm he could have caused her. He had little to thank the boy for, but he'd shielded her from harm. She may have been with him, but Rinna was wrong to suggest he should give her up. He saw the way she looked at the dragon painting, and the gentle way she caressed the lifeless creature. There was something there, he was sure of it.

He began to slip into a deeper sleep, and felt himself being pulled away from Chihiro. Kameko had probably administered something to his sleeping form. He'd have to remember to talk to her about that.

As the tide pulled him away, he turned, and pressed a kiss to Chihiro's warm lips.

* * *

**Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a wonderful time.**

**This is only a short update, because I was just setting the scene for Haku. Also, I had a massive panic when I realised I still had three more essays left to write before going back to uni. I spent today & yesterday working on one of them, & am taking the evening off because otherwise I have to start a literary criticism essay, or read some more George Orwell essays. The next chapter will be much longer - probably because I'll be avoiding an essay of some sort.**

**I plan to update every week, although there will be a second update this week (probably tomorrow or later on tonight) because this chapter was so short. **

**Reviews would be lovely. I appreciate the story adds I've had so far, and the kind reviews.**

**If anyone has any ideas for chapter titles, well, your suggestions would be lovely.**

**Have a good week!**


	3. Chapter 3

As Chihiro pulled out of her drive she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

When she'd woken up that morning the evidence of the previous night's disaster had lain all around her, and Toro's kiss still seemed to linger in the air. It had been nice, really. That's when she'd decided she had to see him again, if only to salvage the one friendship she had in this town. He'd stumbled out in a hurry, but it was probably just the shock of the whole thing. She gingerly stepped towards the mirror, hoping her slippers would prevent any shards of glass from piercing her soft skin.

There was only a little glass remaining in the frame, and the wooden back that held the mirror seemed blackened, as if scorched. She'd never seen that part of the frame though, so it had probably always been like that. She examined the edge of the frame, running a finger underneath it to see if there was anything unusual to find, catching her reflection in the remaining glass as she did so. Her eye make up had run and smudged, giving her panda eyes, whilst her skin looked pale and worn. Crying the night before had caused her eyes and cheeks to puff too, and her hair was tangled in a bitter knots. As she peered at her face, marvelling at the damage that one night of upset could do, she continued to run her finger around the wooden frame, only stopping when a jagged edge sliced through her skin like knife through butter. She didn't gasp, or yelp, only slowly removed her finger from the remnants of the mirror & brought it closer to her face. She examined the cut slowly, as crimson began to seep through. The air seemed so still around her, as if the world had paused for her, for this moment. Slowly, she resurfaced and turned to wipe the blood away. She picked up a nearby tissue, and stopped. She wasn't sure why, but slowly she dragged her finger upwards, towards the surface of the wall, and smeared her blood across the dragon's gaping mouth. Only now did she gasp, regretting what she had done immediately. Her lovely white dragon against her pristine wall was ruined – he seemed a much more vicious creature now that he had blood running from his open jaw. Chihiro began to quake, as if a dreadful apparition really had arrived in her bedroom, ready to snatch her from her life. Time seemed to pass in agony as she stood staring at her wall besmirched wall. It was as if she'd never see him again. She collapsed down to her knees, heaving dry sobs. She heard a car back fire further down the street and clung to this sound of normality. It was only a painting anyway. She remained on the floor, acclimatising herself to the sounds inside the house. There was a low rumbling downstairs, probably the dishwasher, and a slight breeze blowing in through an open window was causing a door to gently creak. There was a bird singing outside. A car drove past her house. Nothing was wrong, except for a slight cut on her finger from a piece of glass. She glanced up at the painting, to check it was still there, with her blood smeared across its face. She shivered at its now menacing look, before reminding herself that she'd been the one to paint it. It was only her imagination.

* * *

Chihiro hadn't stayed long in the house. Despite her self-reassurances that it was only some paint on the wall she had felt anxious in the empty house. When she found herself changing in the bathroom to avoid the watchful eyes she decided there really was no point in hanging around any longer than necessary. She'd practically sprinted to her car. Now she was driving though, the questioned remained as to where she was going. She'd never actually been to Taro's house before. She laughed at herself a little – practically her only friend and she'd never been to his house. She'd thought she'd had an idea where it was though, but after circling the area several times she was starting to realise her search was hopeless. It wasn't as if she'd expected Taro to magically turn up and indicate where he lived, but she'd at least expected to recognise his car. Maybe it wasn't parked outside the house. Maybe he'd already gone out.

She pulled over and slumped back in her chair, opening the window a little to let in some air. One again, it was unseasonably warm. It usually rained this time of year, but so far there'd been relatively little. The sun beat down on her, and as she wished she could stretch out and enjoy it she found she knew where she wanted to go.

As her feet touched the cold water she felt her spirits lift and her worries become a little lighter. When she'd found this river it had quickly become her favourite place, and she liked to imagine it was his river. It wasn't, and she knew it, but she thought it didn't hurt to dream. Now she suspected that dreaming for so long had caused her a lot of problems. She lay back and tried to think of something more cheerful. Her toes turned numb as she tried, until she was eventually forced to pull her feet out of the water and let them warm in the sun. Her cut was still throbbing, and she was aware of the time. There was still so much she had to do. Eventually she scrambled up from the bank of the river, pulling her socks onto her still chilled feet, and went to leave. She grabbed a few small flowers struggling up from the ground and threw them into the river. An offering to the river god, if there was one within this particular river. Since her time in the spirit world she felt it was better to offer something, even if it turned out she was just throwing petals in an empty river.

She drove home slowly, her mind racing. The house was still empty, and – still too nervous to venture into her room – she curled up in front of the TV, and drifted to sleep as sun flooded through the windows.

It was only when she awoke in her bedroom the next morning, unaware of how she'd arrived there, that she saw the empty wall.

* * *

**I have a medieval translations exam in the morning, but I didn't even manage an hour of revision. I truly am awful at this module. Luckily, it doesn't count towards my degree! I'd decided I had to post again by Sunday, & although it's early Monday morning over here, seeing as I haven't gone to sleep yet & it's still dark out I'm saying that it doesn't count. **

**Hello to everyone from the USA, UK, Poland, Mexico, Denmark, Australia, Canada, Brazil, Singapore, and the Philippines! It's kind of you to read this - hope you're enjoying the New Year!**

**Oh, & also - there's a bit more action in the next chapter! I've been looking forward to writing it for over a week, so hopefully it will turn out like I planned. Sorry if this isn't moving fast enough for you just yet - I like to take my time!**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys!

I am so sorry for abandoning this fic for so long. I find it so frustrating when I'm reading a story and the author stops writing and disappears, so I'm sorry for doing this to you.

I'm in my final year of university now (crazy how time flies!) but I'd really like to continue with this story. I can't promise an update timeline, but thank you for the messages I've had in the meantime, and those of you who kept writing to me and asking me to keep going!

Hopefully I'll write soon!

xo


End file.
